Excerpt
I
didn’t want a party.
I’ve
been out three months, living in the court-mandated halfway house in Chino
Hills. I did thirty months of hard time and I’ll be on parole for another
thirteen—if I stay out of trouble.
Easier
said than done.
Today
is my first day back in Chula Vista, the border town where I was born. It’s the
only place I’ve ever called home. The only place I’ve ever been,
besides Mexico. And prison. I’m still down for my barrio, Castle Park. I can
hold my head high on these streets. I’ll probably die on these streets.
I
told April not to make a big deal out of my homecoming, but I can see the
decorations as soon as Jenny opens the door. Pink fucking balloons, like my
prison release is a baby shower. I gave birth to a violent criminal record.
Congrats!
Jenny
is my niece, the daughter of my dead brother, Raul. She’s eight years old and
cute as hell. I’ve only seen her a few times since I got locked up. April
brought her to visit on my twenty-third birthday, about nine months ago. My
eyes feel funny when I look at her.
She
doesn’t hug me or say a word. She just smiles shyly, revealing a gummy gap
between her front teeth. It reminds me of Chucho, one of my cellmates. He had
missing teeth and a goofy smile that lit up his tattooed face.
“I’m
looking for a little girl named Jenny,” I say. “She’s about this tall.” I hold
my palm at my side, indicating a shorter kid.
“I’m
Jenny,” she says, giggling.
“You
can’t be! You’re too big.”
She
steps aside to let me in. I set my backpack by the door. I took the bus from
Chino Hills to the Chula Vista transit station and walked the last six blocks
to the house. April is standing a few feet away next to her husband. She’s
already crying.
Jee-sus.
How
am I supposed to hold it together when she’s falling apart? I clear my throat
and focus on Jenny again. She’s wearing a green dress. Her dark, shiny hair has
pink ribbons in it. She’s the spitting image of her mother. Pretty and sweet,
untainted by my brother’s bad blood.
I
crouch down and remove a hastily wrapped present from my backpack. “I’m sorry I
missed your birthday.”
Birthdays,
plural. I’d missed three of them.
It’s
just one of those balero cup toys, the kind with the
ball on a string, but Jenny acts like it’s the best gift ever. Her delighted
expression makes my eyes burn again. I have to take a deep breath to recover.
“What
do you say?” April prompts.
“Thank
you,” Jenny says, a dimple appearing in her cheek.
I
straighten to greet April next. Her face is rounder, her body lush in a new
way. She’s wearing a flowery top that clings to her breasts but hangs like a
drape over her middle. When she steps forward to embrace me, her stomach bumps
into mine.
“You’ve
gained some weight,” I say in Spanish, a kinder language for pointing out such
things.
She
releases me with a laugh, wiping the tears from her eyes. Then she rests a hand
on the gentle slope of her belly. She’s always been beautiful. Her pregnancy
accentuates her best qualities, giving her softer features and fuller breasts.
Noah
steps forward and slides his arm around her. His big hand covers hers,
protective. He’s noticed my appraisal of his wife’s new curves, but he’s too
pleased with the proof of his virility to glare at me.
He’s
okay, for a cop.
Officer
Young spoke on my behalf at the sentencing hearing. If he hadn’t, the judge
might have slapped me with ten years, the maximum for manslaughter. Instead I
got the minimum, minus six months.
I’m
lucky to be out. Lucky to be alive.
“Looks
like you’ve been busy,” I say to Noah. I shake his hand and pat him on the
back, as if he’s accomplished this feat on his own. He laughs and April rolls
her eyes at us. I’m grinning from ear to ear, happy for them both.
“We’re
due in August,” April says.
“Boy
or a girl?”
“We
don’t know. We want it to be a surprise.”
A
surprise. Like this party. In addition to pink balloons, the living room is
decorated with pale blue streamers and a handmade sign that says welcome home, eric. But this isn’t my home, and it never will
be. It’s Noah’s home, and April’s and Jenny’s.
And
. . . Meghan’s.
I
realize that I’m searching the background for her. My smile slips and my chest
tightens with unease.
Meghan
won’t be happy to see me. The last time I saw her, when she’d visited the jail
where I was processed, I said a lot of nasty things to her. I said she was an
easy lay, that I’d had better, that I didn’t care about her.
Lies.
Noah
doesn’t seem mad at me for disrespecting his little sister, so I’m assuming she
didn’t share the details of our breakup. Or maybe he’s so high on baby-making
with his hot wife that he can’t be brought down. They look great together, like
a perfect family from a TV show. Except that April and Jenny are of Mexican
heritage, same as me.
I
feel a mild sort of resentment over the situation: Tall, handsome white guy—a
gang unit cop, no less—swoops in and snaps up one of the nicest, most beautiful
girls from the hood. Then I remember that I fucked his sister. And probably
broke her heart, if only for a few brief weeks during an already tumultuous
time.
“Meghan’s
not here yet,” April says, as if she can read my thoughts.
I
shrug it off. “I said I didn’t want a party.”
“This
isn’t a party. It’s just us.”